The Morkel Metre

Have you ever looked at someone or something and wondered how tall it is but wished there was a universal way of measuring it without the confusion of working out how many centre metres are in an inch, how many inches are in a metre etc etc? Well thankfully myself and James have come up with an ingenious solution - in order to measure something in a universally simple and applicable way, just use your smallest staff member! This way all your colleagues will know exactly what you mean without any confusion. In our case our smallest staff member is vet technician Cheri Morkel. Myself and James tested this new system amongst ourselves and guessed how tall something was by gauging how many Morkel’s it was, for example we found a dead snake and mused that it was one Morkel long and when guessing our tallest staff member’s height - Rhino tracker and impersonator Rob Thomson, we mused 1 and a half Morkels. But we needed a method of knowing for sure, so we set about the task of attaining the true height of Cheri Morkel and creating the first official Morkel Metre. I used my Ninja like cunning and whilst measuring a cheetah box with the Morkel I pounced and took the measurement before the Morkel had any idea what was going on. We found the perfect sized stick and the Morkel Metre was ready for its unavailing!


We found the Morkel in her natural environment of the clinic and James did a lovely speech in front of other invited staff members and the Morkel Metre made it’s entrance. Cheri appeared overcome with emotion and was rendered speechless. No doubt having a unit of measurement created in her honor was something she had only dare dream about. To have that dream come true must have been the most important moment in her life. She thanked us and the Morkel Metre’s first test was to measure the Morkel herself and it passed with flying colours, the Morkel Metre was exactly one Morkel high and so the measuring could begin! The office bristled with excitement and everyone wanted to find out just how many Morkels they were.


Most importantly the world now finally knows that Rob Thomson is exactly one and a quarter Morkels! It was a great day for science and myself and James will be eagerly waiting for our thoroughly deserved Nobel Prizes!